WWF Dark Match, Heat, and SmackDown Results from Cincinatti, Ohio - November 16, 1999
Dark Matches:
-'Superman' Steve Langly defeats Johnny Swinger
-Papi Chulo defeated Tom Powers
Sunday Night Heat Results to air November 21, 1999
-Starts with Bradshaw getting some water from a cooler while Kaientai (Taka and Funaki) stand nearby. Brashaw bumps into Funaki, the three have some words, then Taka and Funaki jump Bradshaw and get a few shots in before running off.
-Headbangers defeated Val Venis & Shawn Stasiak
Val was actually getting good face heat before he started insulting Cincinnati for some cheap heel heat. During the match, the 'World Wide Filth' guy was walking around by the ringside seats with his sign on the pole (I've coined a great new name for this guy: Sign Guy Mushnick :*) Since the guy was walking around where I was sitting, I wasn't really paying attention to the match, but I saw the Headbangers win. Afterward, Val and Shawn get into it, and Val knocks Shawn down and gives him the Money Shot before leaving.
-Rikishi Fatu defeated Tracey Smothers So this guy is the one I've been hearing about on the net? Not that impressive, to be sure. Pretty much a squash match, with Fatu finishing off with a piledriver for the win.
-D-Von Dudley defeated D'lo Brown The funny thing is, all the 'D'lo' and 'D-Von' chants blended together, and it sounded like everybody was chanting, 'Devo! Devo!' I guess they wanted these two guys to whip it and whip it good! :*) OK match, with a few memo moments. At one points, Buh Buh Ray was pounding on the mat in twos, and the crowd started to chant 'D'lo! D'lo!' along with his pounds, and he looked around and stopped pounding. At one point, D'lo went for the Lo Down, but Buh Buh Ray pulled D-Von out of the ring, so D'lo did a cross body on both Dudleys from the turnbuckle to outside the
ring! The ending was really sudden: D'lo pulled D-Von
back in the ring, and D-Von gets the surprise rollup for the
pin. So-so match.
-At this point, the annoucer came in the ring and said that
Kaientai had challenged the Acolytes to a 'technical' match.
-Kaientai defeated Acolytes by DQ
The Acolytes got a big pop when they came out and lots of
face heat during the match... so these guys are faces now?
As would be expected, the match didn't stay technical for
long, as Bradshaw and Faarooq kept throwing elbows and
punches. It soon degenerated into an all-out brawl, so the
ref threw the match out. Both Taka and Funaki got
Dominators from Faarooq, and Bradshaw did a nice
fallaway slam from the second rope.
After this, they lowered the banners for Smackdown, but
then put them right back up: apparently, they didn't get the
'wild crowd' shot for the opening of Heat. So they asked us
to start cheering and holding up signs and stuff. Then they
put the Smackdown banners back down and Jerry Lawler
came down to his royal theme music to announce for
Smackdown.
WWF SmackDown Results to air November 18, 1999
-Show starts backstage with DX beating on Brisco and
Patterson. HHH tells Pat to let Vince know that Vince was
the one who made it personal.
After the theme song, we go backstage again. Vince and
his family has found Pat & Gerry all bruised up. Pat
delivers the message to Vince, and Vince says he wants to
see HHH right now.
-Match 1: Too Cool defeated Edge & Christian
Before the match, Too Cool do their little speil in the ring,
while Edge and Christian snicker. The match was OK, and
ended when Christian hit the Impaler, but the ref wasn't
looking. Grandmaster Sex(a)y then hit a top rope leg drop
and Scotty Too Hotty got the pin on Christian.
-After the match, we see Slaughter go to Vince with a
message from HHH: he wants Vince to come to him. Vince
says he's on his way.
-After a break, we see Vince storm up to HHH and chew
him out. HHH tells Vince twice to 'not make it personal.'
-Match 2: Kurt Angle defeated Gangrel (with Luna)
Sign Guy Mushnick was back, walking around the ring
again. Funny thing this time is a fan walked around behind
him with a sign saying, 'This guy sucks!' A minute or so in,
Angle does his thing where he grabs a mic and yells at the
fan for cheering a 'guy who looks like a vampire' rather
than an Olympic Gold Medalist. Angle does the 'best REAL
athlete' line from his promo. Angle then gets back in the ring
and, after about a minute, gets the pin.
-We see DX conferring backstage, but I couldn't hear what
they were talking about.
-Back from break, we see Test playing the new N64 game
Wrestlemania 2000 while Stephanie unwraps wedding
gifts. Steph has to go out to the car for something, but Test
says he'll go get it. Gee, I wonder what will happen next?
Sho nuff, Test walks outside and gets ambushed, first by
Mr. xxxxx, then by the rest of DX. They stuff him in the
trunk of a car and drive off.
-HHH remarks, 'I hope that's not too personal for Vince.'
-Match 3: British Bulldog defeats the Godfather to retain the
European Title
Funny things before this match: the referee that got to
dance with the hoes in the last two Godfather matches
(name isn't coming to me) came out for this one, and the
crowd immediatly started chanting for the Godfather, to
which the ref gave a sly smile. Before the match, Godfather
brings up the last time he tried to give Bulldog the hoes,
and Bulldog attacked him, so no hoes for the Bulldog! The
Mean Street Posse comes out to help Bulldog, but they're
detained by the hoes (Godfather shows remarkable
foresight in this match: there just happened to be three
hoes, one for each Posse member... smart!) Sign Guy
Mushnick was back, and the same thing happened to the
Godfather that happened on Raw: he grabbed the sign
from the protestor, which gave the Posse an opening to
attack, and roll the Godfather back into the ring for Bulldog
to finish off and get the win. Afterward, they had security
guys take the former Sign Guy Mushnick away.
-Backstage, Vince is yelling at HHH again, and Stephanie
dashes in and starts beating on HHH (please don't tell me
they're going to make Stephanie a wrestler too... oh, wait,
they already did) for what he did to Test. Vince says to call
the cops, and HHH threatens Stephanie.
-Still backstage, Viscera starts coming on to Tori. Damn,
Viscera sounds just like Barry White, and he's got the same
figure, too! Of course, Tori's knight in red and black armor,
Kane, comes to the rescue.
-Match 4: The Big Show beat Hardcore Holly (with Crash
Holly) to retain the Heavyweight Title
Before TBS came out, Hardcore Holly talked about how he
had 'unfinished business' with Show, and that he hated 'fat'
people like The Big Show. The Big Show actually came
out to some pretty damn good heat, I think he might be
coming into his own as a main eventer. It was your usual
Big Show match, with Show tossing Holly around like a
doll. Crash ran in, and for some reason, there was no DQ,
not that Crash made that much of a difference anyway. Big
Show fought them both off, then gave the Showstopper to
Hardcore Holly. Funny moment, Crash tried to break up
the pin by Big Show, but he couldn't move him! After the
win, TBS chokeslams Crash too, before the Big Bossman
runs in to beat on Show with his nightstick.
-Outside, Vince and Shane have found Test, whose nose
is broken again (after the show, I made the observation
that, if Test breaks his nose many more times, we may not
be able to tell him from Triple H!) They help Test back to
the building.
-Match 5: Kane (with Tori) defeated Viscera
Tori came out with Kane, but stayed at the top of the ramp
for some reason. Your typical big-man match, with one big
surprise when Viscera actually pulled off one of those
X-Pac style spin kicks on Kane! Damn! At one point, both
men spill out to the outside, and Tori comes to check on
Kane, Viscera starts making with the come on again, and
steals a kiss from Tori. Of course, Kane comes up from
behind and goes to town. Eventually, they make it back to
the ring, where Kane manages to chokeslam Viscera and
get the pin.
-Backstage, Triple H, laughing to himself, walks up to
Vince's door and knocks. He 'apologizes' for everything
that's gone on before and offers Test a wedding present. It
didn't stay on screen for long, and I couldn't tell what the
hell it was. It was black, and looked kind of like a steering
wheel or something. Whatever it was, it pissed Vince off
enough to throw it against the wall and slam the door in
Triple H's face. Triple H walked off, still laughing. For some
reason, they did the introductions to the next match, but
then did more taped bits. They played a bit where J.R.
was on the phone with the detectives investigating the
Austin hit and run. He told them to talk to his lawyers, and
also said they might want to investigate Jerry Lawler,
calling him a certified, 'restaurant quality' (what the hell
does that mean?!?) xxxxx! They then showed a shot of
Lawler at the commentary table, looking mighty teed off at
J.R. They then showed the Austin hit and run video again
(the idiots in the crowd started cheering like SCSA was
actually there... are you people too cheap to get the PPVs
and see this stuff?). Then we see McMahon putting a
police guard outside his dressing room where Test,
Shane, and Stephanie are. He says to not let anyone who
doesn't have the last name McMahon in. Aah, but Vince
didn't count on the Undertaker recruiting the evil force of
ED McMahon to attack and destroy Vince's family. Sorry,
had to do it.
FINALLY, we get back to the match they did the intros for a
while ago...
-Match 6: Ivory defeated Luna and Jacqueline to retain the
Women's Championship
This was Hardcore rules, and it was one of those lame
brawls that go all over the building (they suck even more
when you're in the arena and have to watch it on the
screen.) It would be alright if these women were willing to
take hardcore shots (or if it was like the one women's
hardcore match with Ivory and Tori), but any match that
features a shot with a box full of drinking straws isn't exactly
going to get my dander up. Only cool part was when the
match went into the men's restroom, where there were
guys using the urinals still! I'm surprised there weren't any
'Something About Mary' style quick zipups when all these
camera come into the men's restroom! Finally, the match
went to the kitchens, where Ivory hit Luna with the Cookie
Sheet of Doom and got the pin.
-They showed some videos of Mankind and Al Snow in
Vegas, apparently for this 'UPN Vegas Week' thing.
Looked pretty lame.
-Now a recap of the Y2J/Chyna feud, starting with the loss
at Survivor Series.
-Match 7: Chris Jericho defeated Mark Henry
Before the match, Mark talked about how horrible it was for
Jericho to attack Chyna. Mark brings up his problems with
Chyna in the past, but says he never would have gone as
far as Jericho did. Y2J time! Jericho does a great promo
where he remarks that it's a shame that Chyna can't
hitchhike anymore, but at least she can get the 'no-thumb'
discount at the manicurist.
I swear, Jericho could come out and visciously slaughter a
baby seal and eat its heart raw, and I'd still cheer his
xxxxx! The crowd was severly torn on this match, with
'Y2J' chants competing with 'Jericho sucks!' chants (guess
which side I took). Jericho got a relatively quick, clean win.
-We see the Dudleys on the phone backstage, apparently
with the detectives. D-Von denies driving the car, than
hands the phone to Buh Buh Ray, who says, 'Hell, I don't
even drive!'
-Next we have the barely competant Lillian Garcia
interviewing the Rock. Believe it or not, Rock didn't do a
single catchphrase in the entire interview, and made a witty
and entertaining promo without ever falling back on his old
cliches. Yeah, right! If I had wrote that, you would have
known these were fake spoilers! Rock does his usual
Pavlovian interview, and the fans salivate on cue.
-Match 8: The New Age Outlaws defeated the Hardy Boyz
to retain the Tag Team Championships
Again, if I was writing fake spoilers, I would have said that
the Hardys got their just dues and won the titles in a hard
fought, high flying match, and got a major ovation from the
crowd. But, we all know who wins in the 'Better Workrate'
vs. 'More Catchphrases' wars here in the WWF, and now
in the WCW too! Joy! Anyway, an OK match with the
ending pretty much determined by anyone with half a brain
after the ref gets bumped. X-Pac runs in and the fans cheer
as he screws up the Hardys' chances of winning
(goddamn you people, cheer the Hardys. If I had to
choose between another awesome match between the
Hardys and one of the other COMPETANT tag teams in
the WWF, or another 'sing along with Road Doggie Dogg'
go round, I think my choice is obvious) Anyway, Hardys
lose, Outlaws win, the world sucks.
-Before the break, we come back to the McMahon clan...
hell, just call them the McClan, still in Vince's backstage
room. Shane claims he smells something burning. Uh, oh, I
think the Rock left what he was cooking on too long!
-After the break, we see that McMahon's room has filled
with smoke, and everybody runs out coughing.
-Match 9: The Rock vs. The Big Bossman (with Prince
Albert)
A fairly by-the-books match, with Rock hitting the Rock
Bottom for the pin. Afterward, the BBM and Prince Albert
double-team the Rock, with The Big Show coming in for the
save. Then the Hollys come out, but the Rock and TBS
make short work of them.
-At this point, just about everybody thought the show was
over and started leaving. As it turned out, they saved the
fifteen minute speech for the end of the show this time
instead of the beginning.
-Backstage, Vince says he blames DX for the fire. He goes
after Triple H, taking the security with him and leaving
Shane, Steph, and Test by themselves (umm, can you say
bad move?)
Triple H comes out to the ring to the usual chant, and he
says that he could be much more of an xxxxx than he is
now if he really wanted to. HHH then does pretty much the
same rant he did on Raw, talking about how Vince
committed a crime against him, and that Vince made it
personal. He claims the reason that Vince doesn't like HHH
as champion is because HHH isn't one of Vince's 'boys'
and that HHH did it all without the big 'push.' HHH then
calls Vince out, telling him to come by himself, without the
cops. Vince comes to the ring and takes off his jacket,
ready for a fight, but HHH says no way. If Vince attacks
HHH, HHH will sue Vince, and besides, if HHH attacked
Vince, Vince would fire him anyway. So HHH asks Vince
to go to his lawyers and get a contract set up for a match
between Vince and HHH at Armageddon. The stip is that if
HHH wins, Vince can do nothing against him, including fire
him, do anything financial to him or anything. Basically,
HHH would be immune to Vince if he wins. He says that it's
fitting this match would take place at 'Armageddon,'
because it will be a match to 'end it all' between Vince and
HHH. Then we get a camera shot backstage, where Test,
Shane, and Stephanie are all sitting and laying at the
bottom of a staircase, looking like they've been thrown
down. Shane and Test were rubbing their arms like they
were hurt, and Stephanie actually had a bunch of blood on
her forehead, but I don't know if it was fake, or if she
actually bladed! (I can see it now... 'Your winner, and new
WWF Hardcore Champion, Stephanie McMahon!') Vince
rushes out to help them, and HHH mocks him, saying he
better 'watch his step.' To close it off, HHH said that he had
